Scary Dad Stuff

First of all, hello. I know, I know, multiple posts on consecutive days… Yet alone consecutive MONTHS?!? Yes, I’m back. After having work hold me late the past two days (two thirteen hour days to be exact) I get today off! This is epic. I get some much needed daddy time in with the offspring. I love spending time with them, but I rarely get days off during the week (during the school year) so my daughter was surprised to see me this morning. The little guy still doesn’t know what’s up, he’s only a month old. So, I’m cooking bacon …mmm bacon… And I hear lily coughing… She’s eating grapes. Then she stops coughing… With a grape stuck. I FREAK out, rip her out of the seat, and can see said throat blockage in the VERY back of her mouth. Adrenaline starts pounding and I stick my pinkie in to go for it. Luckily one finger swipe and it’s out! I cut up the rest of the grapes and then have my own mini breakdown. I never want to experience THAT again.

The rest of the morning is filled with swinging in the yard, Ali ding down things, and fresh beat band on Nick Jr. while snacking on a banana. After we went to the post office to get some mail, we were walking around in the yard. Now, first you must understand I am DEATHLY afraid of snakes. DEATHLY afraid. So, we decide to go for a walk. We have several tree’s between our house and the road, and you have to walk through them for the shortest route. As we start through the tree’s I hear a hiss… I look down and to my HORROR, is a 12 foot monster boa constrictor/king cobra hybrid. Okay, so in reality it was a foot long common grass snake… But seriously, remember the deathly afraid part, I freaked! I snatched my daughter up, ran for the garage, found the BIGGEST snake decapitating device I could find. Ran steak gut back, took one swing, and just like my Canadian friend in a recent game of D&D let out a mighty roar as the blade swung down upon the small foe… And embedded it deeply in a root inches from it’s target… Embedded. The snake slithers(shivers at the thought) off and into the tree’s…. I can’t get the decapitating device out of the root. Now there is a FREAKING GIANT SNAKE LIVING IN OUR YARD.

What I went to the garage for:


What I actually got:


As you can see, I’ve had a scary “daddy” morning.

Scared to Death,

2 thoughts on “Scary Dad Stuff

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